Bill O'Hanlon, M.S. Possibilities 551 Cordova Rd., #715 Santa Fe, NM 87505 USA 800.381.2374 Fax# 505.983.2761 PossiBill@aol.com www.brieftherapy.com
You Are Not Your Mind. You are bigger than your mind, but sometimes it seems as though your mind has you or thoughts are thinking you. Disindentification-Recognizing that your mind is just your mind and your thoughts are just your thoughts; they are not equal to your identity. Externalizing-Treating your thoughts as if they were an external person. Mindfulness-Just noticing thoughts or patterns of thinking rather than believing them.
Challenge Thoughts. Use counterarguments - Challenge unhelpful thoughts with facts that contradict them. Make slight shifts in your self-talk or thoughts-Instead of all or nothing self-talk, change it to mostly, usually, rarely, and so on; Instead of "why", change it to "how can I" and so on.
Just the Facts. Use observational/sensory-based descriptions -This helps to separate interpretations and imposed meanings from what happens; only describe what you could see or hear on a videotape about the situation or yourself.
Go with the Thoughts Rather Than Fight or Oppose Them. Accept and soften towards one's thoughts-Don't oppose or react; opposing gives the unhelpful thoughts energy; What you resist tends to persist. Exaggerate-Amplify negative or fearful thoughts until they are absurd or lose their power.
Get Into Dialogue and Out of Monologue With another/others. Talking to another person or several others can sometimes get you on a new track, provide a reality check and help you get perspective on your thoughts. With self/thoughts-Instead of accepting, fighting with or being dominated by unhelpful thoughts, engage in a dialogue with yourself or the thoughts and, as in conversations with others, new thoughts or perspectives might occur.
Take Actions. Do something that is incompatible with the unhelpful thought-Take an action that wouldn,t be expected given the unhelpful thought Do something to refute the unhelpful thought-Engage in some action that would disprove the unhelpful thought. Action can help you get unstuck and move out of the thought-Don,t just sit there, do something; being in a different environment, moving your physical body and other actions can sometimes break you out of your mental rut.
I have copied below for those in rural and remote areas with poor internet access. Retrieved 25/05/05 from http://www.extramarital-affairs.com/article_negtalk.html
1 I feel burned out.
2 I’m tired.
3 What’s the use?
4 I’m on a treadmill.
5 I never have any fun.
6 I can’t seem to get ahead.
7 Every day it’s the same.
8 I don’t feel good.
9 I’m not in control of my life.
10 I feel so down all the time.
11 I can’t get caught up.
12 I’m all stressed out.
13 Things just aren’t working right.
14 I’ve got too much on my plate.
15 I feel overwhelmed
16 Nobody cares. Why bother?
17 His bad mood made me feel low.
18 Nobody else does. Why should I?
19 It just can’t be done.
20 Nothing ever works out for me.
21 It’s too hard.
22 I can’t handle this.
23 I’m so stupid.
24 I’m so depressed.
25 It’s not fair.
26 The situation is hopeless.
27 I’m disgusted.
28 It’s so frustrating.
29 There aren’t enough hours in the day.
30 I can’t seem to get rested.
31 It’s just my usual bad luck.
32 Why does it always happen to me?
33 What else can I expect?
34 I’m bored.
35 That doesn’t work in my area.
36 Things are great - so look out.
37 That’s just the way I am.
38 I just never can remember.
39 Others can do it, why can’t I?
40 I’m so sick of it all.
41 I don’t want to do it.
42 I try, but it never works.
43 You want this when?
44 I hate my life.
45 “!*&#!”
46 I should have
47 I can’t until
48 If only I had
49 My work is so repetitious.
50 No one notices my good work.
51 It’s hard to be positive.
52 That’s not my job.
53 It just doesn’t matter.
54 I never seem to get things done.
55 I can’t handle it any more.
56 Same old stuff-different day.
57 What I do is never good enough.
58 I don’t feel like doing anything.
59 I wish I didn’t have to get up.
60 Why must I do everything?
61 My hair looks awful.
62 There’s too much to do.
63 I’m worn out.
64 Something always goes wrong.
65 Life’s not fair.
66 I’m in a bad mood.
67 I’m always short of money.
68 If only I didn’t have staff problems.
69 There’s never enough to go around.
70 I tried that and it didn’t work.
71 How can I when
72 My life’s such a mess.
73 I’m lucky, but its all bad.
74 That’s too hard to do.
75 I’m just not that smart.
76 I can’t get out of this slump.
77 I’m not qualified.
78 I’m tired of doing the same thing.
79 This is just not my day.
80 It’s a waste of time.
81 I can’t get organized.
82 I don’t have patience.
83 I don’t have energy.
84 I don’t have the ability.
85 I can’t get ready on time.
86 I don’t know what I want
87 I look terrible.
88 I need a vacation.
89 I wish I didn’t have to go to work.
90 I hate change.
91 When it rains, it pours.
92 Bad things come in three’s.
93 I cant seem to please anyone
94 I’m unhappy.
95 I can’t deal with complaints.
96 Why bother?
97 I deserve these bad feelings.
98 The situation is hopeless.
99 If only he/she would
100 How could he/she do that to me?
101 Why doesn’t he/she
102 I don’t feel like doing anything.
103 I’ll never get over this feeling of...
104 I feel powerless and it scares me.
105 I try but it doesn’t work out.
106 Ill never find the right partner.
107 I’m so afraid I’ll drink again
108 I’m afraid I’ll use pills again.
109 I feel so alone.
110 I’m afraid of being alone.
111 His bad moods bring me down.
112 I deserve to suffer.
by Luann Linquist, Ph.D., MCC, founder of DeleteStress.com