Last updated 04/07/06
Go to navigation page for my pre-commitment Relationship Education study cycle.
There are more articles on marriage research on site.
Most marriage problems can be traced back to the pre-marital relationship. It is important that couples take a comprehensive inventory of their relationship and address important issues before they marry. The studies show, the longer a couple has been together and dated before marriage, the more successful a marriage will be. Larson
Larson's view of cohabitation before marriage and his marriage preparation brochure.
The following article was retrieved from emotionalfeelings 04/07/06. This a useful site but slow to navigate so for rural and remote readers in Canada and Australia it is quoted below:
"After 20 years of his own research & years of work done by others, Larson has a few answers. His recently published book, "Should We Stay Together?", offers prospective couples some scientifically proven methods for evaluating their relationships & improving their chances for long-term success.
Larson shared some of those ideas w/conference participants at a national marriage & family conference held recently at BYU. The conference theme was Revitalizing the Institution of Marriage of the 21st Century.'
As we enter the new century, we've learned a lot about what goes into a successful marriage, says Larson. "60 years of research suggests that relationships develop at a number of levels & that certain criteria can help predict success & failure."
Out of that he has developed what he calls "The Marriage Triangle," which highlights the individual traits, the couple traits & the family background & context that can help or hinder a relationship.
Factors that predict marital dissatisfaction.
These are the 3 sides of the triangle:
Individual traits
1. High neurotic traits
2. Anxiety
3. Depression
4. Impulsiveness
5. Self-consciousness
6. Vulnerability to stress
7. Anger/hostility
8. Dysfunctional beliefs. (If you enter marriage convinced that you live on different planets, or that you'll never understand each other, he says, you probably won't.)Couple traits
1. Dissimilarity
2. Short acquaintanceship
3. Premarital sex (especially a lot of experience w/many different partners)
4. Premarital pregnancy
5. Cohabitation
6. Poor communication & conflict-resolution skillsContext
1. Younger age
2. Unhealthy family-of-origin experiences
3. Parental divorce or chronic marital conflict
4. Parental or friends' disapproval
5. Pressure to marry
6. Little education or career preparationSome of these are things couples have little control over. "You can't change your family background. But you can do things to change the effects that has on you; you can work through issues.
In some cases, it's not so much the events as how you think about them."
The couple traits are probably the easiest to work on, he says. "But most things can be changed. Severe cases may need therapy." He remembers one couple he worked with, where it turned out that both of them were clinically depressed.
"They were brave enough to send out cancellation notices just days before the wedding. Now they're both involved w/other people & much happier & healthier.
It takes guts to confront some of these issues, he says. But the time to do it is before -- not after -- the marriage.
Factors that predict marital satisfaction:
Individual traits
1. High self-esteem
2. Flexibility
3. Assertiveness
4. SociabilityCouple traits
1. Similarity
2. Long acquaintanceship
3. Good communication skills
4. Good conflict resolution skills/styleContext
1. Older age
2. Healthy family-of-origin experiences
3. Happy parental marriage
4. Parental & friends' approval
5. Significant education & career preparationThese, too, are things couples can work on, says Larson. For example, research has shown that the better acquainted a couple is, the higher the marital satisfaction.
Some exercises to test acquaintanceship:
List your partner's 5 most important life goals.
Discuss how you well you know your partner with others. How does your experience compare with theirs?
Write a description of how well you know your partner as well as your blind spots.
Look at how familiar you are with your partner's current life-stressors.
If you go through these exercises together, you may learn a lot about each other. Then you can set goals for improvement. And you can do this for each of the traits.
"The more you can increase your knowledge & understanding of your partner, the better off you'll be," says Larson. It takes some time, but that time is important. Don't be like the couple he just heard about who had decided they were lifetime partners -- after one 4 hour date.
"Go slower. Talk about more important & meaningful topics," he advises. His recommendation is that couples be acquainted for a minimum of a year before they consider marriage."Your best resources," he says, "are time, self-disclosure & listening skills."
And, he says, if he had to choose one trait that would help the most in building a relationship it would be flexibility. That one thing can take care of a lot of potential problems.
With effort & commitment & caring, couples can find that "happily ever after," after all, he says.
Just don't expect it to be easy.
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