Possibilities, 551 Cordova, # 715, Santa Fe, NM 87505 505.983.2843; Fax 505.983.2761; PossiBill@aol.com
[Feel free to share this handout with others; please keep my name and contact information on it and contact me specifically to get permission to use it in any money-making activity]
1. Nobody can tell you the "right" or best way to respond to trauma. And not all the effects of trauma are necessarily bad. Some people move on relatively easily and quickly from trauma and some seem to never get over it. Some people use the trauma as a wake up call to re-examine and change their lives, say someone something they haven't said and needed to say, or to work to help others. Other people withdraw from others, become embittered and are haunted by the event or incident for the rest of their lives. These are all within the range of human responses and are all valid responses. Having said that, most people can and do get over trauma. There are many ways to move on and get over trauma.
One of the first suggestions then is to just let yourself feel what you feel, think what you think, and so on without trying to judge it, fix it or correct it or be bamboozled by "experts" who think they know more about your trauma experience and recovery than you do.
2. Next, many people resolve trauma not by revisiting the past, but by connecting to a future with possibilities and meaning. Viktor Frankl spoke powerfully about this in his work and in how he and others made it through the atrocities in Nazi death camps. You might try linking the post-trauma experience to things that help move you into the future, for example, every time you catch yourself having a flashback, you could take one action that might move you a little way toward your preferred future. Find something that gets you through the day, the night or the decade because it gives you a sense of hope and possibility for the future.
3. People often get stuck in post-traumatic experience as if they are "frozen in time," that is, they repeat the same feelings, thoughts, actions, interactions, images, and so on. One way to get unstuck is to change any part of the repeating pattern in any small way you can. Focus on some other image, change one small action, think something different, change your language slightly, and so on, to break yourself out of the "frozen in time" negative trance. Some suggestions:
--Find anything you do in the same way related to the trauma and change how you do it. --Change what you are paying attention to in the present or in the memory. --Change your thinking about the situation. Do less "all or nothing" thinking and more inclusive or proportional thinking. Embrace seeming contradictions or opposites. --Notice the times when you are doing things that work rather than don't work. Do more of those solution actions. --Many therapists have found that the new, experimental trauma treatment techniques like EMDR, TFT, EFT, NLP's V-K Dissociation and others, while unproven scientifically, work clinically. They seem to work in part by breaking up the neurological processing patterns that have been "frozen in time" in regard to the trauma. Other therapists are angry and hostile to these approaches, considering them hoaxes. So, be a good consumer. There are fanatics and fundamentalists on both sides of the fence. If it works, use it; if it doesn't, move on. Beware of claims of miracle cures and claims of cynics.
4. Many people disconnect in the wake of trauma; disconnect from themselves internally (from their bodies, their feelings, their memories, and so on) or disconnect from others and the world. Without knowing what is best for you, if you have the sense that you have disconnected and that is part of the problem for you, I suggest you take some small steps to reconnect. You might draw upon what you have done in the past to connect with yourself or others (get a massage to reconnect with your body, call a friend and make a lunch date to reconnect with others, and so on).
5. Related to the previous section, some people find it useful to contribute to the world or other people in order to move on or deal with traumatic events. For example, if you were sexually abused, you might contribute money or time to organizations helping to prevent or help people help from sexual abuse. If you feel depressed, you might consider volunteering at a homeless shelter. The people who are volunteering at "Ground Zero," helping feed and support the rescue workers, may be sad and upset, but at least they feel they are doing something that contributes to their and others healing.
6. Healing rituals are a time honored tradition for resolving trauma. Many cultures have used rituals to help people make transitions and give people a sense of tradition and stability. I distinguish two kinds of healing rituals. The first, designed to bring stability and a sense of connection to people, I called Connective Rituals. The second, designed to help people move on and leave something behind, I call Transition Rituals.
Connective Ritual examples: 1. Do regular volunteer work. 2. Write in a journal daily. 3. Do some regular exercise. 4. Connect with and regularly attend some religious or spiritual services or gatherings. 5. Take regular walks with a loved one or loved ones. 6. Develop a habit of reading aloud to a loved one. It could be a bedtime story, a novel, the Bible, etc.
Transition Rituals examples: 1. Write about the experience of the trauma and aftereffects for a set amount of time each day. When it feels as if you have written everything you have to write, burn the pages and scatter or leave them somewhere significant. 2. Find a picture of you around the time of the trauma. Take a copy of the picture to some place in nature, pray or meditate or grieve about the trauma and then leave the picture at that place by burning it or burying it.
Possibilities, 551 W. Cordova Rd. #715, Santa Fe, NM 87505, Telephone: 800.381.2374, fax 505.983.2761, website: www.brieftherapy.com